all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
.yob llud a kcaJ sekam yalp on dna krow llA
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
.yob llud a kcaJ sekam yalp on dna krow llA
.yob llud a kcaJ sekam yalp on dna krow llA
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
All
work
and
no
play
makes
Jack
a
dull
boy.
.yob llud a kcaJ sekam yalp on dna krow llA
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
aLL wORK aND nO pLAY mAKES jACK a dULL bOY.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
.yob llud a kcaJ sekam yalp on dna krow llA
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.aLL wORK aND nO pLAY mAKES jACK a dULL bOY.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
.yob llud a kcaJ sekam yalp on dna krow llA
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
aLL wORK aND nO pLAY mAKES jACK a dULL bOY.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
.YOBLLUDAKCAJSEKAMYALPONDNAKROWLLA
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
All
work
and
no
play
makes
Jack
a
dull
boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
All
work
and
no
play
makes
Jack
a
dull
boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
aLL wORK aND nO pLAY mAKES jACK a dULL bOY.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
ALL work AND no PLAY makes JACK a DULL boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
1,026 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 1026 Newer› Newest»Now see that?! Thats a Penis!!! And if you look at that sculpture, thats a VAGINA!!! WOOHOO, pooty-tang!!! Vaginas and pussies and dicks and beetles as long as you know where to look for them!!!
God I wish I had you omnipitance! Pussy's, butt-holes, penis's and all kinds of secret stuff!!
Your giving me a raging clue right now!!
"A picture is worth a thousand words."
ok
lets forget him. He drinks too much, anyway.
Indeed!!
why can't you throw the disk us(disk of) yourself? why do you require someone else to throw it?
Anonymous said...
I guess you didn't notice yesterday
October 31, 2008 10:43 PM
I did. what is it you would like done?
What I would like done is the deal.
"lets forget him. He drinks too much, anyway"
-which equals-
"doesnt play enough outside"
paul is dead - the rotten apple 7
manson mccartney connection
22,985 views
longer at 1:40
1234567AGCGTH
i like this video, it seems epic.
Dude ate his pizza.
What I would like done is the deal.
October 31, 2008 10:54 PM
I made no deal with you. However, that is not to say that I wouldn't. What are your terms?
Dude should watch his mouth a little.
drink 7.5
going to smallerize them to stay frosty. Pizza guy name was Paul. Life is like this, 11:11 everywhere you look
His name was Robert
"I made no deal with you. However, that is not to say that I wouldn't. What are your terms?
October 31, 2008 10:59 PM"
depends on the merchandise
Suck my case up
paul is dead - the rotten apple 8
"paul is bloody"
54 ratings
Views: 24,939
37sec
MAN! just watched this again, what is that car driving up behind george as he sings?? in the fog.. headlights....
missed that before..going to study this a while
drinks on hold
" His name was Robert"
robert who? the pizza guy?
depends on the merchandise
October 31, 2008 11:03 PM
I have none. Sorry, I cant throw your disk of/kids of/skid of.
Maybe tonight there is someone else here who could for you. Is that the requirement for the next step?
the suitcase must frighten the someone who doesnt want to put it up under their ISP.
what's isp?
ISP's are for girl-scouts and skiddies
Tought talk for a bunch of text. Give me a fucking break
huh?
maybe that's why another someone wants someone else to find it as well, put some middle men in between as a safety buffer
What ISP do you want to see it "under"?
all together now
sounds like a plan. could work.
I'm not sure who that is... Seems that I do remember seeing that face before though...
huh?
Look deeply into those brown eyes.
hypothetically, if someone had some, pictures of something. why do you think someone would send a non-directly involved person those pictures and videos to post up, ostensibly as their own?
Why do you feel someone wouldn't want to do it themselves?
some thoughts I had on the subject.
1. the person is in fact running the game.
2. or, the person who has said information for some reason is fearful of doing it themselves.
3. they lack the knowledge on how to do.
but the hypothetical person was knowledgeable to set up say, a "rapid share" account to send the hypothetical information in the first place, so #3 is not plausible. or it may be that i am overlooking another variable.
you're looking too deep.
so then, as the hypothetical recipient of the hypothetical disk of/skid of/kids of information, why would i want to post it if others, from the originator of the information (IAAP) to the person ostensibly who found the suitcase wont do it themselves?
Anonymous said...
you're looking too deep.
October 31, 2008 11:31 PM
then the reason is?
why not do it yourself?
and why not send alllll the information to mikey. why split it up?
Wings over America
I will drop one suitcase. More profitable than this queer IAAP's garbage has in it..
30 good replies. And I'll drop one thousand dollars in a suitcase for anyone to find... within 250 miles of where I am now.
first good reply right here: Why would you do something like that?
Mikey has been portrayed as the most likely candidate to receive and disseminate the information. So why not give it all to him? Do you wish some hypothetical person to forward the information to him?
According to his youtube site
SUITCASE RETRIEVED
update:
suitcase contents this weekend.
why not just wait till he does it?
by "good replies" I mean, people now within 1 hour.
If i pass out. The offer still stands after this thread meets 1000 posts, I will throw some beatles records in it, and 1000 USD.
GET THEM WHILE THEY LAST.
would a person, hypothetically, like someone to post a, perhaps, rapid share link, here, on this blog, this evening, that purportedly has information germane to your wishes?
If yes, then why go to all this trouble? If no, then give some guidance how you would like this to proceed.
1000 USD, right now! Get them while they last!!
I'll be happy to be an IAAP rivalry, yet instead of getting floppy clear vinyls, you get what you want.
1000 USD.
GET THEM WHILE THEY LAST.
I dont want money. I have that. But for whatever twist of fate, some hypothetical person has chosen me as some type of intermediary. And that was no error.
haha fuck you..
keep thinking your "needed"
Well I'm up still and will be around for a while... So I will do what I can...
If your 77° West. We start here.
Motive.
A person has gone to a great deal of expense and more importantly time to present some facets of this information. This person has released information up to a point, when they chose to externalize the experience. Why the externalization? The information has been presented as dangerous, ie Mal Evans being shot. Is this a gambit to make the threat seem, to borrow a word from Mikey, "genuine"? Or is it true that this information does in fact, kill?
With either scenario, why would I as the hypothetical person chosen as a intermediary wish to involve myself further? Besides the curiosity killed the cat reason.....
faith
Anonymous said...
haha fuck you..
keep thinking your "needed"
October 31, 2008 11:47 PM
I scanned the page looking for the word "needed" as well as "need" and the only instance was yours. What do you mean by this?
"I dont want money. I have that." Yet I still keep talking.
Talks, Walks. all that shit.
77° was the reason for the formation of the United States
I challenge, while phoney spends all his money on his lame ass garbage I'll actually give you a game worthy of your GPS.
I know for certain that I am not needed. Thank you for clarifying that. And so on that subject, I am done talking. For I am certain also that things will proceed according to the plan.
250 comments a quarter of the way to 1000
O rly?
Instead of thinking, lets just be fed pre-chewed-tasteless morsels.
Let me get yet another drink, and we shall continue the journey
Anonymous said...
O rly?
Instead of thinking, lets just be fed pre-chewed-tasteless morsels.
November 1, 2008 12:01 AM
I am a lazy american and so that would fit the situation better. Raw meat is not being served here this evening apparently
Chicago? Just a guess though
I am sure that someone has suffered great loss to get where they have, and it is understandable for them to be taking this course of action. It is eminently understandable
got the DVD yellow submarine playing in the background, this is a dark side of the moon slash wizard of oz experience going on. someone should enjoy this with party favors to gain the nuances, but alas, I have abstained this evening as the witches run high
and just then....
"hey wait, watch... its all in the mind you know"
blue glass from kentucky
the glass is beatle proof,
nothing is beatle proof
back to the jokes
"as a matter of fact, there is a war on"
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar
How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.
mmmmmmmmm. pizza!
when paul died
St. Peter asked
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy."
"You can load in through the kitchen."
how do you get a BASS player of the porch... I believe that is the joke.
Pay for the pizza
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."
would paul understand that one? he doesnt read music
So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
Anonymous said...
how do you get a BASS player of the porch... I believe that is the joke.
Pay for the pizza
November 1, 2008 12:14 AM
joke nazi
jihad!!!!!!!!!
How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
The knock gets faster.
A mindreader is at a nightclub one night and decides to give a small demonstration of her abilities.
First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist: "Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! Good crowd!"
Then the drummer: "Lots of people showed up tonight...Great! we're going to make good money tonight"
Then the Keyboard player: "All three of these guys have no appreciation of my talent...What a bunch of losers"
Finally, the Bass player: "C...G...C...G..."
there's a bass joke for you joke nazi
jihad!!!!
In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ??
Five..one to actually do it ...and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
wow, yellow submarine DVD goes fast when you are drunk
77° and Kentucky blue glass? I'm sorry I'm missing it...
Visit my Blog damn it!
Kentucky blue glass
line from the yellow submarine...
then one cartoon beatle says the glass is beatle proof.. another responds.
nothing is beatle proof..
the 77 thing is a whole nother story
Or shall we travel on rural Ga. 77
Miles Denton Oliver said...
Visit my Blog damn it!
November 1, 2008 12:29 AM
who is that person?
no idea man. my guess is that its you.
let me keep drinking and I will get better as drinks go on.
but wait.. as i saved it, the jpg file says "iamaphoney.jpg"
so you are iamaphoney
Anonymous said...
I'm not sure who that is... Seems that I do remember seeing that face before though...
October 31, 2008 11:24 PM
I posted that a little over three hours ago. I've had your blog up since then and nothing has changed. And I still can't tell if I recognize that man or not...
them georgia guide stones loom large as the witches dance tonight
44.3322 miles from athens, ga? which is no where near the 77th. :D Close tho.
Miles, Is that the pic from the video Taf posted that phoney asked him to remove?
Yes.
Good heavens!!! This place has isn't what it was 6 weeks ago.
Shame on you.
Well Yoko likes the Guidestones...
Thanks Miles, for stinking the place up! :P Stupid fake old people
Hey, back off. I just showered.
For someone who (i assume) likes the smell of bullshit, you strike me as one who only claims to smell bullshit.
top that, blossom!
I wish you all thought of me of more than just brains tho
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that!!!
I use to think I was the only one that smelled bullshit, but a few more are starting to get a wiff.
I don't really give a '' about tryin to top that
Top that, stop that I wish you finally take a real look and really stop that
What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.
if commenterGV was here...
"damn jewish gun"
i can't believe I just watched that whole video. And then had to google it to see when it came out. wow. I feel embarrassed and lets just keep that between us here.
RA #8
at 27sec what car is that? driving behind george in the fog?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW0jr6TNwRs
ohhhhhh, idunno... a beatle????
LOL
who cares?
WHO IS THIS MAN??!?!??!??!??!??!?!??!!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!\
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_BT2fla5h_e8/SQvvFPKQdtI/AAAAAAAAAEM/m-t0ASoGI9o/s1600-h/iamaphoney.jpg
iamaphoney.jpg
iamaphoney?
it is.
it is???
no way!
waaaaaaaay
party on wayne
party on maddona
fuck i am tired man
its 4am here..
Anonymous said...
its 4am here..
November 1, 2008 1:04 AM
its 1 am dude. your trippin
different time zones
3am here
where you at?
California
NOT YOU!
Georgia
Could you go tuck miles in?
Miles in Georgia?
Anonymous said...
3am here
November 1, 2008 1:06 AM
central time zone.
so Tafultong must be a west coast dude
1
2
3
Dear Abby
I think my wife is cheating on me.
I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot.
I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask her who called she gets evasive.
Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way.
I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.
A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and some guy have been to his gigs.
He wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening. I said "sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she comes into the venue and who she comes in with". He agreed.
Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half stack to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other 3.
Is this something I can fix myself or do need to take it to a technician?
Thanks - Very Concerned.
Billy Shears
Never recommend anyone who plays better than you.
Always assume the leader knows nothing.
Always complain.
Never smile.
Avoid tipping at all cost (waitresses, coat room, valet, etc.).
Never bring your own cigarettes
~BLUES RULES:~
1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.
Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you
happen to be an old black man.
If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die.
Other blues ways to die include:
a. the electric chair
b. substance abuse
c. being denied treatment in an emergency room.
~REASONS WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN~
A guitar has a volume knob.
If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $. 79 for a new one.
You can unplug a guitar.
If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can retune it.
If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set.
You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking.
|You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free.
You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed.
You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.
You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.
A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it.
Mia Melodies: 42 images,
21 of which are displayed here.
Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
more cowbell
Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.
if My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
Drop Kick Me, Jebus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
What do you call a building full of guitarist?
jail
Q: How many drummers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: What do bass players use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
trick or treat
treat please
Q: Do you know what happens when a bass player takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed bass player?
A: - Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a drummer is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do only 10% of bass players make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q: How does a bass player show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: What's a bass players idea of honesty in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.
His name is Billy, Billy Shears
Miles, I never saw the video Taf removed, but I have always had a problem with the whole idea surrounding it. When a person makes a video, he is 100% in charge of the content. Normally, after a video is made, the maker will watch it, sometimes quite a few times before posting. I don't buy that they left that shot in there by accident. I keep getting a wiff of that smell again.
Kind of like this comment from Mike's Berlin suitcase vid:
GeneralDissaray2: I don't appreciate the middle finger. There's nothing friendly about that.
Come on.
MikeNl1038:
Me neither.
i don't know why anon did that. :-(
Isn't he the one who edited it? Obviously he wanted that in there as well (got to show those h8ters), or he would have suggested it be removed. If anything, by the request of the phoney.
Q: Did you hear about the bass player from Liverpool who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box.
Ringo plays the Star Spangled Banner
Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH
By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH
What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM,CRASH
Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH
O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH
Were so gallantly streaming? 3 &
1...2...3...
2...2...3...
3...2...3...
4...2...3...
5...2...3...
6...2...3...
7...2...3...
8...2...Oh,
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
EXPRESSIONS TO AVOID During A Recording Session
The phones sound O.K. but I need more of myself
You can't make ice cream out of shit
unless you are making shit ice cream
MikeNl1038:
Me neither.
i don't know why anon did that. :-(
Isn't he the one who edited it? Obviously he wanted that in there as well (got to show those h8ters), or he would have suggested it be removed. If anything, by the request of the phoney.
November 1, 2008 1:31 AM
good point!
maybe Mikey didnt edit it.
No one cares who you've opened for.\
Your check's in the mail
I know your mic is on
I checked it myself
Q. What is the difference between me and a Gatling Gun?
A. A Gatling Gun stops repeating itself after 1,000 rounds.
376 and counting to 1000
"I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better"
"maybe Mikey didnt edit it."
He did edit it. At the beginning of the video is phoney and the suitcase BEFORE the finger clown picked it up, and what you are hearing is Mike's soundtrack.
Our bud sanguine111 said:
pritty good soundtrak
MikeNL1038:
thanks :) (see the happy face. He is glad you like HIS work.)
damn mikey
i dont think he is a kid from the netherlands
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)
Jebus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jebus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.
He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.
He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.
He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.
Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jebus yells. "Who are you?"
"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jebus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."
"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."
"Father!!!!!" Screams Jebus.
"Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.
Why did Jebus cross the road?
Because he was nailed to the chicken!
Why didn't Jebus replace the stone from the tomb when he rose from the dead?
Well, he WAS born in a barn.
What did Jebus say when he was up on the cross?
"This was one Hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation."
Jebus walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...
"Can you put me up for the night?"
Jebus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jebus says to Moses, "I want to do a miracle like in the good old days!" and Moses says, "Sure!"
So Jebus gets up and says, "I think I will walk on the water, that was always a good one!" So Jebus walks over to the edge of the boat stands on the water and sinks like a stone.
Moses drags Jebus back into the boat and revives him. Moses then says, "What happened?"
"I think it's the holes in my feet!" Jebus replied.
Top Ten Reasons That Beer Is Better Than Jebus:-
a) No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
b) Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
c) They don't force beer on minors who cannot think for themselves.
d) Beer has never caused a major war.
e) When you have a beer you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
f) Nobody has ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over a beer.
g) You don't have to wait 2000 years for a second beer.
h) There are laws saying beer labels cannot lie to you.
I) You can prove you have a beer.
j) If you are devoted to beer then there are groups who can help you stop.
Why can't Jebus eat M & M's?
Because they keep on falling through his hands!
Jebus is on the cross, and Peter is down the hill conforting Mary Magdelene when he hears a faint voice, "Peter...Peter..."
"I must go and help my saviour," he said and went up the hill, only to be beaten and kicked back down by the Roman centurions guarding the cross. But soon he hears, "Peter...Peter..." in even fainter tones, and he cannot ignore the call. Peter limps up the hill, leans a ladder against the cross, and is halfway up when the centurions knock over the ladder, beat him brutally and toss him back down the hill.
Again, he hears, "Peter...Peter..." even fainter and he cannot sit idle. He staggers up the hill, drags himself up the ladder, and finally gets even with Jebus' face. Just as the centurions are reaching for the ladder, Jebus says, "Peter...Peter...I can see your house from here!
I hope you are not Catholic anonymous. If so, you better take one of those hemorrhoid donuts into the confessional with you. You are going to be in there for a long time! The seats are hard, and your ass is surely to get sore.
What is the last thing Jebus said to the Teamsters?
" Don't do anything 'till I get back."
And Jebus said unto his disciples,
"Whom do men say that I am?"
And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch."
And Jebus said, "What?"
I'll get my donut and see you there.
Six
Six
Six
11
77 66 55 44 33 22 11
400 fail
One day G-d was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So He called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while. When she returned she told G-d, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.
Well, He thought for a moment and thought maybe He'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So G-d called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to G-d and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good." G-d said this was not good.
So He decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that e-mail said?
Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer.
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh G-d! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of G-d say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
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