In A Play Anyway

Based on Iamaphoney's YouTube Channel, it appears that a new Rotten Apple video should be coming soon, although the date doesn't seem clear. You know how it is. For those anxiously anticipating the big event, I wanted to do a very different type of post today. Instead of simply sharing things that I know, I wanted to go one better, just this once, and actually make some stuff up.

That's right. The following account is fictional. I made it up during a long drive recently. Any similarity between the characters in this play and actual persons living or dead is purely the result of my madness. For those who have been requesting more information than I actually know about Iamaphoney, this post is for you. Those who are interested in facts, trivia and speculation might want to skip today's post and tune in tomorrow.

The Iamaphoney Story: Act IX, Scene 1

Setting: A recording studio in København, Denmark. It is early March 2008. The room is filled with computers, recording gear, and instruments. Ian sits at a Macintosh computer next to a large mixing console. There is a large Sgt. Pepper poster on the wall behind him. He is reading an email from someone he calls the Advisor’s typist. His associate arrives looking a bit disheveled.

Ian: Been drinking again?
M: Fine, how are you?
Ian: Sorry. Good thing you’re here. We’ll be hearing from the advisor any minute.
M: I thought he was too sick to…
Ian: That’s why I got your ass in here. This must be really important.
M: Really. How long has it been?
Ian: I talked to the typist about two months ago, you know about the papers. But yesterday I got this email saying to get you here today at 3:00 for this online chat.
M: Out of the blue?
Ian: Yeah.
M: What time is it in America?
Ian: I don't know. America has too many time zones.
M: Why didn’t he just call on the phone?
Ian: I don’t know. The typist says his voice is weak and this way is easier…Shit, here it is. Get over here. If he asks you to say anything, don’t do any of that net talk shit. He hates that. Pretend you’re writing a letter to Grandpa.


A: Pardon the intrusion. I trust you are well.

I: Yes, thank you. M is here with me as you requested. Hope you are feeling better.

A: Please don’t make me say good days and bad. Down to business.

I: Listening.

A: Concerned about this interview.

I: We have everything under control.

A: Bullocks. Why interview? Haven't you told him enough?

I: Mikey has been a little fighter for us, so I wanted to do something special for him.

A: Not this.

I: ?

A: Interview is a bad idea

I: We have it under control. I made him submit questions ahead of time. We won’t give away anything. Just more puzzles.

A: This is not your project. We've come a long way from those bits from radio shows you were doing when I found you. Realize that this is all happening several tiers above you now. You must not make them unhappy.

I: It will be fine.

A: And the date, mere happenstance?

I: April 10

A: Right, are you out of your mind?

I: Not good?

A: I cannot be connected with this in any way. NO APRIL 10

I: No one will figure that out. I thought it was appropriate.

A: April 10 puts me in the circle. Not acceptable. You underestimate the intelligence of your audience and your puzzles are too simple. Forget the interview.

I: What do I tell Mikey?

A: Tell him anything, no april 10!

I: If he turns on us, we’re in trouble. The natives are getting restless.

A: Is M still there?

I: m here

A: M, give Mikey some tracks. No interview

I: m again. how many tracks?

A: Nothing new, but give him a clean recording of St. Paul and maybe one or two others.

I: This is Ian again. Don’t know how Tafultong will react to no interview.

A: Taful what?

I: The guy who does the Iamaphoney blog.

A: Taful is not as smart as he thinks he is.

I: Everyone knows that. But he said he was doing a special tribute to us in April culminating with the interview on the 10th.

A:You didn’t tell him anything did you?

I: No no.

A: Good.

I: But I don’t know what he’ll write if I let everybody down who's waiting for this interview.

A: Throw together a new video, but don’t release it on April 10. A new vid should satisfy your blogger for now.

I: We’re going to lose fans if we delay this interview.

A: Trust me, by this time next year they will all hate you. Don't expect my superiors to care either. I have worked for these people for a long time. Never give a timetable ---- ever! Wait for them to contact you. Be patient. If people lose interest, que sera sera. It is not your game to lose anyway.

I: Yes, sir.

A: And don’t make any more promises. Lord knows I won’t be making any more promises.

I: What do you mean?

A: There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

I: Anything else I need to know?

A: Stay the course. And Happy Easter.

“A” has left the room.

Ian: You heard the man. Let’s make a few phone calls and throw together a new video.
M: Why did I ever get into this?
Ian: Really.